ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize