I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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