So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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