just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
