Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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