What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
