she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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