Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
