weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
