Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize