chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
