Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
