So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did you just send me my own nude
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
