it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
