in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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