thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
