i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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