you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
