I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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