Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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