isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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