i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
