im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
