and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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