it hurts more in the daytime
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
