giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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