im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
North Korea, Best Korea!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
