need another drink. this is the easiest way
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
