She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
