Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
