If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
