Where is the hickey?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
