We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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