this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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