you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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