Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
