Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i out mim tonsoeep
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