I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
