I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
