I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
