So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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