Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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