I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
