It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
