That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
