it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
