So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
