Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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