While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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