I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
