the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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