Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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