Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
