he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize