Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
