Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
