There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize