accomplished twins. life is a go
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
