I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
