her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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