rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
