Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
