Me too!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
