well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
