she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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