The maid of honor just puked.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize