That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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