i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
