This is not my ceiling
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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