I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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