I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
