That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
