i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just forgot I was standing up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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