Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
