I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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