You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
