She said her name was "party"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
