we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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