I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
