On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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