I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
